I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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