I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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