Your dad touched me again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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