I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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