Yo dont text me then not text me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
