My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Say something about gay babies.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
