a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
