You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
