She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
