Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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