I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
