4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
