i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
