look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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