I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
