1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
