Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Randomize
