I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cockslap morals
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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