but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
