I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
