My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
