rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
