Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
