Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
