I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize