you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
