rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
