this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
