i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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