i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
