are you still at the devil's house?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
