JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
