i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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