Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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