dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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