I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize