I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
