I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
