Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
