He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
