Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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