I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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