I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
