I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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