at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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