proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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