Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
