can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
