guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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