Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
