So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
