why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.