moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'