found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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