I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
