When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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