Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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