I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
