You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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