A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
