I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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