No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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