"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
