The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize