i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
