So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
