shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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