I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
