Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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