I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize