Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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