My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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