I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
