I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
