My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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