Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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